On 17 November 2021 I wrote:
There are other ways of looking at things.
Ah, three years on from first writing this, I feel I have learned of so many other perspectives, in so many aspects of my life!
In June this year we got married. We’d been together for 16 or 17 years, we’re actually not entirely sure which, and I think that’s a good thing. It’s not that we don’t care, or that we don’t want to celebrate that we are together, but it’s a recognition that we should appreciate one another every day, not just because it coincides with the anniversary of the date we first met one another.
We married for practical reasons. I had never really seen the point of getting married, hadn’t been someone who had hankered after a glorious wedding and being a fabulous bride (or a bridezilla). And I think that suited The Captain just fine. He’d been married before and was perhaps wary of repeats. Or perhaps we both just never felt we needed to.
Mum had always wanted us to marry. She knew The Captain was a keeper from early on, and occasionally would needle me to consider marrying him. She felt it would ‘protect me’. I, of course, thought I knew better, and was confident that I could look after myself. I felt slightly indignant and defiant of the idea that I should require protection.
But the years rolled on, and life threw curve balls at us. And we came to realise that marriage might be a sensible thing after all. The driver for me was as un-romantic as it gets – I wanted to be sure that if I were on life support, or incapacitated in such a way that someone else was being asked to make medical decisions about me, then I wanted that person to be The Captain. And the simplest route to getting that might be marriage.
So I hadn’t expected anything to be different on the day after I transitioned from bidie-in to wee wifey.
But there are other ways of looking at things. And looking at our life from the perspective of being married, we are much closer, more confident, somehow more of a couple. And that seems a bizarre thing to write, as I hadn’t thought we were lacking in any of those areas before. Perhaps the wedding was also a recognition that we had positively and definitely chosen one another, rather than that sense that trying to start again with someone else would just be too much effort.
So, I raise a glass to all who have chosen a path in life that suits them, that gives them the perspective they want. Keep the joy folks.
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Thank you for reading this.
Mostly I blog about my relationship with Mum and her dementia, so if that might be your thing, then you could start here at Taking smock of the Situation. Or just dip in. After all, if I’ve learned anything this last few years it’s that chronology and time are less important than we might believe.
Do get in touch if you have any questions or comments – I love to hear from you my lovely readers.
And FINALLY… it’s not too late to make the delicious Light Christmas Cake. Really it’s a cake for all seasons. You can find the recipe here.
Shewolfinthevalley 