On day 14 of my 100 Days Project in June 2021 I posted:
I’m back home in the Valley for a few days ‘respite’. I hate calling it that, but I also recognise it’s what I need.
The smock is draped over our stable door.. I might get to doing some stitching before bedtime, but if not, I’ll not beat myself up.
Your bonus pic is Mum and Dad just after they moved into the house mum still lives in. Look at their happiness!
You’d like to know how they met wouldn’t you? Well Mum was working in the local gift shop. At Christmas Dad dropped in to the shop to buy cards and gifts, to send to his family back in Germany. He only bought one card that first day. Then came back the next day to buy another. And again the following day.
Reader, they married the following Spring.
I love how happy Mum and Dad look in this picture. To be honest it’s not really how I remember them – they weren’t particularly demonstrative as a couple, and when I think back to childhood I feel a sense of stability and contentment, rather than love or passion. I mean, I always knew I was loved, though it was never actually stated. That came much later. And now it gives me such pleasure to sit with Mum and let her know how loved she is, she always has been.
I saw her today in my lunch hour. It’s less than a year since she was diagnosed, and how she has changed, how her life has changed. I guess we all have, but it is more stark with Mum.
Today she was sad, and she doesn’t know why she is sad, and that makes her distressed. I let her know that we don’t always need a reason to be sad, sometimes we just are. And I also talked about how all her life she’s been happy, and she was able to do things that gave her happiness – painting, reading, gardening, cooking, sculpting, being with friends and family. And now all those things that made her happy aren’t possible any more, so perhaps it’s harder to be happy. I realise that didn’t feel very hopeful, and I did wonder if it meant she will always be sad now. That would break my heart. But honestly, I don’t want to minimise what she is feeling, nor do I want to pretend there is an easy solution. And Mum has always, always claimed that she has never been depressed, so I can only imagine how scary it is for her to feel sad and to not understand why. And I don’t know, perhaps she can’t remember when she was happy? That would be tragic.
Make the most of your happiness if you have it. And tell your loved ones how much they are loved. Fill them up with all that warmth straight from your heart – the feeling will stay with them far longer than the memories of what you had for lunch today.
This series of posts starts here, with Taking Smock of the Situation. Head there if you want to catch up on how we got to this point.
And finally, dementia is confusing and distressing.. for the person with dementia and those around them. My wish is that nobody with dementia should go through it alone. Click on this link if you’d like to support Alzheimer Scotland and to help make this true. Thank you.
Shewolfinthevalley 
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