On 15 July 2021 I wrote
I don’t even know what day it is any more.
The sun was properly blazing today and high tide was at 4pm. By lunchtime I knew I wasn’t going to be able to focus on work so I booked the afternoon off and headed to the sea.
Sitting on a rock sewing as the tide comes in, then the tide goes out is a really good antidote to the world. As I sat there it all changed. Tide in. Tide out. But it was all the same. And it will all change again overnight. Tide out. Tide in. And it will be the same. But different.
As I was there I got further confirmation of an element of the Escape Plan, so it’s nearly all in place. I sat happily alone on that rock. The tide came in. It went out again. I cried.
Then I took off my dress and immersed myself in the sea.
The day before this, we had visited Fleet Valley Care Home, which was going to be Mum’s new home. I was born less than 100 yards from where Mum was going to spend the rest of her days. Her new postcode would be the same as the postcode where I was born and where I spent my happiest of happy childhoods. It all felt so RIGHT.
Mum was going to be looked after, would be cared for. And, at that moment, it felt as though this wonderful wee community, which helped to give me the best start in life, would step in and help Mum live her best life to the end.
This day felt hopeful, and as tears flowed down my cheeks and mingled with the sea I realised this was the most positive feeling I had felt in months.
***
If you want to catch up on how we got to this point, this series of posts starts here, with Taking Smock of the Situation, an embroidery project I started shortly after realising Mum might have the early stages of dementia. So, there I was, embroidering her old fisherman’s smock with symbols relating to her life as her memories were being thrown around like so many pieces of jigsaw in a big box.
Not in the mood for this? That’s ok. But if you feel like a bit of cooking or baking (my cheese scones are MIGHTY) then you could check out my recipes here.
Shewolfinthevalley 
One Response to “Tide out. Tide in.”